Beyond the Dream of the Ideal Church: Bonhoeffer’s Challenge to Pursue Gratitude and Unity

By Sharon Hodde Miller

Have you treated your church like it’s all about you? I have on more occasions than I care to admit. This mentality is common and hard to resist, because we live in a culture shaped by consumerism. Our society is all about choice and customization. But when we make church about us, the outcome is a shallow faith. The antidote? Stop chasing the dream of the ideal church and start pursuing gratitude and unity instead. 

Written Then, Needed Now: Bonhoeffer’s Life Together 

Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a famous Christian martyr who died resisting the Nazi regime. At a time when German Christians were largely silent about Hitler’s rise to power, Bonhoeffer was a dissenting voice. He helped lead the “Confessing Church,” which was the only Christian movement openly opposed to Hitler. Because of its stance, the Confessing Church was deemed illegal by the Nazis, so Bonhoeffer spent several years teaching seminary underground. It was during this time that he lived in an intentional community of Christians and wrote a book called Life Together. 

Life Together explores the gifts and challenges of living in Christian community. Even though it was written over seventy-five years ago and under circumstances quite different from ours today, the similarities between Christians then and now are remarkable. Bonhoeffer’s community had many of the same struggles we have, because it had the same sin. Sin corrupted the church the way it corrupts the church now: by undermining unity. Whether we live in a consumer culture or not, sin divides, and unity is something we will always have to fight for. 

The Danger of Chasing the “Ideal” Church 

In one prophetic passage, Bonhoeffer foreshadows the consumer mentality, warning against looking for an “ideal” church: 

Those who love their dream of a Christian community more than the Christian community itself become destroyers of that Christian community even though their personal intentions may be ever so honest, earnest, and sacrificial.(1) 

With these words, Bonhoeffer cuts to the core of our best intentions. Even when our desires for the church are noble, good, and right, we have to guard our attitudes closely. A critical spirit is an easy entry point for sin to sow seeds of division. Bonhoeffer observed this firsthand, watching Christians become “proud and pretentious” because they were always comparing the reality to the ideal. When the reality fell short, they became “accusers” of both the leadership and the members. 

Years later, Christians still struggle with this. We have to reconcile our “ideal” church with the reality of our options.  

Gratitude as the Antidote to a Critical Spirit 

For Bonhoeffer, the solution to this problem was simple: gratitude. He writes, “We enter into that life together with other Christians, not as those who make demands, but as those who thankfully receive.”(2) I love this perspective, not only because it reverses the spirit of criticism but because it springs from a central Christian teaching, which is that we need each other. The body of Christ is diverse, full of different people with different roles, and according to Scripture, every role matters. In 1 Corinthians 12:12–27, Paul explains that every person is a necessary member of the body of Christ, and if a single part is missing or unable to contribute, the entire body is weaker for it. 

In other words, we cannot be who God created us to be, and we cannot serve the way he created us to serve, without each other. When we’re frustrated with our church, or our pastor, or fellow members, Scripture encourages us instead to thank God for one another and to appreciate the roles we play in one another’s lives. 

Keeping the Focus on God, Not the Ideal 

This attitude of gratitude also directs our focus to the Giver. When we pause to thank God for his church, we remember what church is ultimately about, which is not us. God created the church, he is in control, and he has a long history of using terrifically imperfect people to do incredible things. No church is below that redemptive grace, so we don’t have to be indignant on God’s behalf. He knew what the church would be like, he knew the mistakes it would make, and he chose her anyway. 

Committing to the Church—Imperfections and All 

I once heard someone say they would only give up on the church when Jesus did. That perspective was so convicting to me. Our perfect Savior has a hopelessly imperfect bride, and I contribute to that imperfection every day. But God is faithful still. His faithfulness to me and his people leaves me without excuse. If I claim to follow him, I must follow him in this. Some days are harder than others, but here’s the good news: the church may not be about us but it is for us. God did not intend for us to follow him by ourselves. We are meant to do life together, in a support system of people who love us, sharpen us, and grow us. This beautiful community is one of the many benefits of making Jesus the center of church. The fruits are vast and rich, even when we don’t like the music. 

(1) Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 2015), 10. 

(2) Bonhoeffer, Life Together, 12. 

This article has been adapted from Sharon Hodde Miller’s book Free of Me: Why Life Is Better When It’s Not About You, published by Baker Books. This challenging yet encouraging book shows how our me-centered culture negatively affects every area of our lives—our relationships, calling, self-image, even our faith—and invites us into a bigger, Jesus-centered vision that restores our freedom and inspires us to live for more. 

Sharon Hodde Miller, PhD, leads Bright City Church in Durham, North Carolina, which she cofounded with her husband, Ike. She is a bestselling author of several books, including Nice, The Cost of Control, and Gazing at God. She has also written for Relevant, Christianity Today, (in)courage, and many other publications and blogs.