Singleness is like cramps. Or is it?
Unmarried people today receive a number of messages from culture and the church that distort their view of what it means to be single.
There is a growing trend that reveals that singles are getting married later and later in life. The average marriage age for a single now is in the 30s. It used to be early twenties. Singles are typically described in culture (and even church) as “those who fail to marry” or even worse as “those who do not make positive choices.”
It is not uncommon for someone who is single to attend family holiday gatherings and find themselves bombarded by questions such as:
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“You’re such a good-looking guy, why don’t you have a girlfriend?”
“You’ll make someone a great wife!”
“Don’t worry, hang in there someone will come along soon. God has someone really special for you.”
After hearing messages like these, it’s no wonder singles feel like marriage is the only natural arrangement in life.
Within the church singleness is seen as a state to get out of, something to fear or something you pray you never have to experience for the rest of your life. In some churches singles are not considered adults, and are not really given a chance at leadership because others do not consider the single life as one that typically shows responsibility.
This can be seen by the number of people who think married people are more capable leaders within the church primarily because the husband can minister to the guys and the wife to the women. We also see this mentality in the number of times single men who are in charge of ministries (typically youth ministries) feel they are incomplete and cannot effectively lead/minister to others because they are not married. I’ve seen single men passed over for elder positions because they are single; the reason being they do not show that they are responsible enough to handle the responsibilities because they are not married and/or have children.
Mary Stewart Van Leeuwen sums up this mentality when she says,
“Despite the fact that Christians pay lip service to the equal value of married and single people, their near-idolatry of the family over the past century has made single Christians feel like second-class citizens at best and moral failures at worst.”
Is there any wonder why so many college/post-collegiate men and women are so anxious to get married? We create environments where “the real life” or “real ministry” is only experienced or performed by married people. Is it any surprise so many people see being single as a state to get out of rather than as a state to appreciate and maximize for the glory of God.
There are a lot of single people out there who are not content with their singleness. And most are so focused on finding someone that they have no vision for the joy and beauty that is the single life. They’re so busy coveting their neighbor’s marriage that marriage has become an idol. They fail to see the tremendous opportunity God has placed before them to do great things for his glory.
However, one man did see the single life for the beauty God created it to be and he saw it as a tremendous advantage to fulfilling The Great Commission. We will talk about him next week.
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Robert
I love theology and the challenge of making deep teachings non-boring. Let's face it, most of the time we hear theological teaching, it really is boring. Does it really have to be that way? Nope.
