The Superhero Syndrome
Admit it. Almost everyone loves a good superhero story. Marvel comics have made millions over the past few years just because audiences enjoy watching someone with superhuman powers save mankind.
Almost everyone wants to be or at least know a superhero. For women, if we can’t be a superhero then we might as well marry one.
The Superhero Syndrome, as I like to call it is when a woman expects a man to be her Savior or hero. She expects him to rescue her from whatever might afflict her and ride off into the sunset. Many women miss the joy of knowing Jesus because they are too busy trying to find their superhero.
You’ve heard the stories before. A woman walks up to you and says, “I’ve met the man of my dreams!” If you were me you would say, “Oh really, what’s he like?” Again if you were me you would often hear the phrase, “Well, I haven’t actually met him yet but, he is an amazing man of God.” At this point I usually begin to get a little nervous as I listen to her tell me all about what she thinks he must be like and what other people have told her about him. Keep in mind she has never actually met the man, but she thinks he may contain superhero-like qualities.
Before you begin to chuckle and label this girl “crazy”, you should know that she did not get to this point by herself. If she has grown up in the church, then she has had years of dating talks and dating books that have all contributed to her desire to find her superhero and be rescued.
My college pastor’s wife, who I absolutely adore, gave a dating talk a few years ago where she told us that we were the prize and that men needed to pursue us like they pursue a prize. As I think about that message now, I know her intentions were to make us feel valuable and encourage men to take risks. But that image doesn’t help the situation. In fact it only make us feel even more worthy of waiting for and wanting a superhero. We wait and hope for someone who will save the day and win the ultimate prize, us. But, what does this do to all the guys out there who know they are not superheroes? They begin to try to become a superhero.
You’ve seen it in the movies. One person has powers and the other doesn’t. Next thing you know the one without the powers is taking a dose of some sort of serum that will give him superhero like qualities. Well, just like girls have swallowed the pill that says they need a superhero, men have swallowed the pill that says they need to be a superhero.
The Superhero Syndrome causes us to place unhealthy expectations and undue stress on one another because we are expecting to get something that the other person cannot give us. Women tend to expect their superhero to be able to do anything. He is immune to the trials of the world, he never gets laid off, and he doesn’t get angry. In fact, many of us expect him to be like Jesus. Subconsciously we think that if men are to treat women the way Jesus treated the church then he had better be a lot like Jesus. Which means we are waiting for Mr. Right or Mr. Perfect and this side of Heaven we will never find a man that fits this description. Women who are looking for their superheroes are often disappointed when they date or marry a man and find out that he possesses no superhuman like abilities. He is not like Jesus and just like the rest of us; he struggles with sin and life. A Woman finds out pretty quickly that the only thing her superhero may possess is a desire to love and honor her. The sad thing is that God has given men many qualities that give them the ability to love their wives like no other man on earth can yet, women looking for superheroes are often left unsatisfied.
Men also find out the hard way that the woman they are trying so desperately to “save” cannot be saved by them. Men will go to extreme lengths to provide for and take care of the women they love, often working long hours to give them the house they think they need or the life they think they want. Sadly, some men view women as less capable individuals who need to be treated like children because they cannot handle the big, bad world. They take on the view that they must be like Jesus and translate that into being responsible for their wife or girlfriend’s spiritual condition. The woman is responsible for nothing and is incapable of really handling anything, whether it is the bills or the raising of children. A man’s superhero goal causes him to seek only to protect and never to love or get to know the woman he is with. Women are capable of knowing God just as intimately as men and can offer a unique perspective when seeking God together.
Both parties need to look to the only man that ever exhibited superhuman qualities. They need to look to Jesus. Scripture tells us exactly how Jesus came to save both women and men in John 3:16-17, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”
Can a man become a superhero? The answer is no, but he can become everything that he was meant to be through the power given him by the Holy Spirit. Does a woman need saving? Yes, but she can only be saved by the one man that has the power to do so, Jesus Christ.
About The Author
Camille Goodman Holland is passionate about helping young women understand the importance of theology. She has spent the last few years of her life devoted to this endeavor and have developed several in-depth theology-based studies for women. She blogs at Finely Twisted Linen. You can read her previous articles by going here.
Robert
I love theology and the challenge of making deep teachings non-boring. Let's face it, most of the time we hear theological teaching, it really is boring. Does it really have to be that way? Nope.
