Can Marriage Make You Holy?
I was reading a book called Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. He asked the question, "What if God intended marriage to make you holy?"
It was the first time that I had ever considered the possibility and I think he is on to something. I was having a conversation with someone recently when I began thinking about this again. You see, I think there is a danger in this that we need to be aware of. Nothing against Gray Thomas at all for what I am about to say because his thinking on the subject is very solid. I only mention him as a reference for stating where I got this idea.
The danger is that some people think that marriage will fix their issues. I have talked to guys before who go into relationships, even though it is clear to everyone around them that they should not, thinking the relationship will make them a better man. They miss the point that you have to be a man first (Genesis 2:15) in order to be a better one.
As Christian men we are to be continually striving to be conformed into the image of Christ as we live out the essence of what it means to be a Christian, namely, loving God and others (Matthew 22:34-40). Being a Christian means that serving others is the chief aim of what we are about in this world. No matter what it is we are doing, we are most like Christ when we serve others.
This is just as important for relationships as it is for anything else in life. We all have baggage. But it makes a lot of sense that there are certain types of baggage that would not be wise to take into a dating/courtship relationship or even a marriage such as drug addictions, sex addictions, co-dependency, financial instability, or just having it together. It’s hard to serve others when you are consumed with trying to get your life together. It is far easier to serve someone when you are not having to struggle with you own issues. Marriage is about serving the other.
If you have not figured out what it means to be a man or a lady for that matter, it’s probably not a wise thing to start a relationship. What normally happens is that we go into relationships to make us better. In some sense marriage is designed to make you holy in the same way community is designed to make you holy, and marriage is subset of community.
I once had a guy tell me, “I need to be in this relationship because it is forcing me to learn how to be a man and be responsible.” That may sound right and honorable on the surface but think about that statement for a second. When a man does not have vision, when a man does not have a sense of purpose, when a man does not have his life together and ordered, how is it sensible for God to introduce a woman? Before Eve, Adam was actively engaged in fulfilling the call of God on his life (Genesis 2:15, 19).
I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be for a woman to be involved with a man who has no clear direction, cannot support her financially, and is not actively engaged in living out the Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20). In the same way, as a man, it is frustrating to be with a woman who does not know what she wants in life. What’s worse is to be with a woman who was just waiting for a man to come along and give her a sense of purpose. God created every woman with a purpose in the same way that he created every man. Adam and Eve were given the same purpose (Genesis 1:28) and he had the same purpose in mind for Eve that he had for Adam before he brought her to him (Genesis 2:18).
My point is this: Ladies, if you do not know what God wants you to do with your life you are not ready for God to introduce you to the man. Therefore, don’t sit and wait for a man to come along and give you a sense of purpose. In other words, some women think their life does not really begin until they meet a guy and, “Then we will decide what God wants to do for us.”
You ski fans will know that a double black diamond is one of the most difficult ski slopes out there. If you are learning to ski, does it make sense that you would start by practicing on a double black diamond? No. In the same way, you do not go into marriage to learn how to be a man or woman.
What do you think? Do you think that it is okay for people to go into marriage or even a relationship when they do not have the basics of life together? Let me know in the comments section below.
Robert
I love theology and the challenge of making deep teachings non-boring. Let's face it, most of the time we hear theological teaching, it really is boring. Does it really have to be that way? Nope.
